I wandered lonely as a what?

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A what?

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Cos like i say

Below [date]

my relationship with poetry has always been a bit bollocks

like, non-existent

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Cos right from the start the first poem i ever heard of was

At school when i was nine or ten

The teacher recites

I wandered lonely as a cloud

And i put my hand straight up before she could get any further

Miss, clouds aren’t lonely?

Are they?

And she said, yes they are

And i said, with uncharacteristic courage, and nascent stubbornness, no they’re not

Cos well, they’re not are they?

There’re usually others about and clouds actually merge with other clouds and, whatever

They don’t come on lonely do they?

No

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Trees are lonely

But they don’t wander, do they?

And, well

I didn’t think of it then but clouds don’t really wander either do they?

They might scud a bit, but they’re a bit straight-line really

So wander is a bit wrong as well

Making it a duff metaphor all round

Two balls-ups in six words is a lot yeah?

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And me and the teacher had a bit of a

Yes they do, no they don’t

Yes they do, no they don’t

And had to agree to differ

But really

Its a bollocks line

So i never forgave poetry that early bollocks

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I wasn’t normally quite such a smart-arse at 9

And i was more maths than artsy

But i think the proto-scientist in me was offended by the poorness of the metaphor

The weakness of the thinking

The inexactitude

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But what does wander rocky grassy uplands?

Goats

I wandered lonely as a goat whose whole family got eaten

Doesn’t work does it?

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I know what wanders the uplands

i wandered lonely as a poet

That’s good

That’ll do

That’s improved on Wordsworth and, frankly

It wasn’t hard

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Clouds aren’t lonely

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