final retrospective on summer

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final retrospective on summer

on my show

ONE MAN RIOT

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tough
too tough
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in many ways i wish i hadn't done that show at all
had done a performance poetry show
the one i had almost ready back in january
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i had stacks of fun with this show
loads of great hours on stage
in lots of ways i liked the show
but ultimately it was
too tough a sell
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i've always done performance poetry shows which are
aesthetically out there
whose originality is justification enough
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to have original ideas couched in a new way
is ample enough for me
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and any success while being so out there is simply a bonus

and thinking and doing this way has been doing me fine for years
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while this was a fairly straight piece of storytelling
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telling a very unusual story
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and the only real justification for doing such a show would have been success
great success
that i'd successfully got that wild and telling tale out to a massive max of people
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which didn't happen
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so how come it didn't?
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well in many ways it was the wrong show for the fringe tour
or the wrong show to be a great success on the fringe tour
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so how come i made this mistake?
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well, in retrospect i judge that as a poet i had some kind of
self-esteem problem around christmas time
that i started thinking myself down as a poet
underrating myself
under-valuing
under-esteeming
making me too happy to abandon that wild thing
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and i thought it would be a much better sell
especially seeing the other performers liked it so much
but reviews in the prairies stuffed me and it was always a
battling struggle from then on
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so yes, i will hesitate to devalue myself a second time

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have you ever let a low opinion of yourself muck up your life?

have you?

cos from where i am it don't seem too clever

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