horror

Horror

death

nightmare

torment

pain

agony

and terror

God that was awful, just terrible

A dark voice rose from within me

Gaga aghast and agog

And threatened to swallow me whole

A slathering blackness of a maw

Uhhhl

The show the show the hideous show

60 minutes

One horrible word after another

One horrible minute after another

Whatever persuaded me this was a good idea?

Whatever persuaded me I have any talent?

And this had any chance at all of being good?

And all those audiences and reviewers and friends

Who laughed and applauded and reviewed?

They were just having me on so the fall when it came would be

all the worse

More ghastly and hideous

And well

Last night was that fall

…

Sometimes you know, I’m quite good at this

Honest

Hard though it might be to believe sometimes

Like last night

…

Very hard

…

And sometimes I’m good and the audience are bad

And sometimes I’m not very good but the audience are great [my first two shows here]

But last night?

I was bad and they were terrible

OMIGOD

Whatever persuaded me to come to Canada and do a show about a riot?

Ahhhhg

And I’m stuck with it the whole summer

It’s the end of my career

It’s the end of my sanity

It’s the end of my strength

Ahhhg

I shut my eyes and I think of rusty swords in my guts

I wonder about the thudding impact of a spear on the torso as it goes in

I think of black slathering swallowing maws

Ahhhg
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