A Mockney History Of Hampi

Hampi

Vijayanagara

So what does it look like?

It looks like some posh tosser’s brother had this job lot of nice stone he couldn’t get rid of till he niftily manages to palm it off on some royal tosser, Prince Muggins the Mug and, how`s yer father, before you can say tenth wonder of the world, hello Hampi... then this little number turns out well lucrative for the family of posh tossers cos King Mugbad the Crap and his kids and their kids are a dumb bunch of suckers and, cor strike a light, how’s yer father, hello Hampi bigstyle

And then cos the Mugginses wasted all the dosh on all the stone shit they ends up in this big battle where they might have the numbers but the other lot have got some big shooters and they’ve got shorter bows and arrers than the other lot cos the Mugginses have blown all their readies on some concrete bloody Mandapams stretching right aross the horizon... cos simply everyone and his status seeking wife had to have a Mandapam.... and where the muslims have got cavalry and what have King Muggins the Buggins and the Mugginses got? a stone chariot, yes stone, looks nice on a postcard to yer Aunty Mabel but bugger all use to anyone

So next thing the Muslim so-and-so's from the north are all grinning from ear to ear while Muggins the Last is having his head paraded around the Deccan bloody Plain on the end of a bloody spear, and’e ain’t gonna see his toes again this side of Doomsday, and next thing the still grinning Muslims are dismantling the place pricy concrete brick by pricier concrete brick … so that this city which was compared to the best in Europe is turned into ruins pronto and no-one ever really lives in the gaff again… while only a few lucky fuckers get to do a runner east with as much treasure as you can carry on 550 elephants, which is a lot yeah?... where no-one ever learns a lesson and soon some more Mandapams are going up like there`s no tomorrow... or yesterday... and more money gets spent on concrete you can`t eat or fight with and the Muslims are in the Deccan bigtime till the British show up, stick a sword in some guts and pretty soon everyone is equal cos they`re all stuffed

...